I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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