No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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