then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
