I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
