Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
