update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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