A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
