I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
