So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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