I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
