so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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