Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
