Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
