nutella sex= disaster
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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