While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
