yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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