Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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