i don't plan on having that self control this summer
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
