Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
