You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
