so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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