I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
