May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
