Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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