We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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