I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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