Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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