the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
