I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
