Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
