Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
