i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
