I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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