It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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