I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
