Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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