True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
