So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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