Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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