considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
