just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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