just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
