I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
