i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
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The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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