if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
