well I can't set my house on fire every night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
