life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize