Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
