I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have aggressive nipples.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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