Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
