he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
