where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
