chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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