it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
