Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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