why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
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