I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
