Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
