I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
