Porn is love you can see.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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