is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me I talked like a deaf person
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my shit smells like andre
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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