A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
