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Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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