Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
