Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
