What a fucking waste of an outfit
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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